A woman has expressed her concerns over her friend’s lack of table manners, which has become a source of embarrassment during social events. In a letter to advice columnist Annie Lane, the writer, who identifies herself as “Embarrassed at the Table,” shares her experiences with her friend, Amy.
The two have been friends for approximately 15 years but reconnected two years ago, attending various social gatherings together. While the writer admires Amy for her strength in raising three children as a single mother, she finds herself increasingly uncomfortable with Amy’s eating habits. Notable issues include talking with food in her mouth, placing her elbows on the table, and not properly sharing condiments, which have drawn the attention of others at the dining table.
Concerns Raised Over Social Etiquette
According to the letter, the writer first noticed Amy’s table manners during a casual cookout and initially tried to overlook them. However, as they began attending more formal dinners, the issue became increasingly pronounced. The writer describes feeling embarrassed for Amy, particularly when other guests have shifted to different tables due to her behavior. “I have a lot of respect for her,” the writer states, highlighting the internal conflict between valuing their friendship and being uncomfortable in social situations.
Despite making subtle suggestions to improve Amy’s manners, the writer feels her efforts have gone unnoticed. She expresses concern that Amy may be unaware of how her behaviors are perceived by others. As both women are in their late 40s, the writer believes that Amy’s educational background and upbringing in a midsize city should have provided her with better social etiquette.
Advice on Navigating the Situation
In response, Annie Lane emphasized the importance of tact alongside etiquette. She advised the writer to reconsider the nature of their gatherings, suggesting that they keep their meet-ups casual to avoid discomfort. For more formal events, the writer should evaluate whether Amy is an appropriate guest before extending an invitation. Lane noted that if Amy explicitly seeks advice on dating or her social conduct, it would then be an appropriate moment for a more straightforward conversation.
“You can’t fix what she doesn’t want to change,” Lane remarked, highlighting the complexity of addressing personal habits that may not be acknowledged by the individual.
The exchange also included a poignant reflection from another reader, identified as “Miss My Mom,” who shared her regret over not being present for her mother’s final moments due to a lack of communication about her health issues. This underscores the broader theme of honest dialogue in relationships, whether concerning health or social conduct.
As social etiquette continues to evolve, the challenge of addressing sensitive topics like table manners remains significant. The situation serves as a reminder that while friendships are valuable, they can be tested by differing standards of behavior in social settings.
